I DON’T GET IT
I don’t understand anything for a long time. I just don’t get the reality for 4 years, more or less. It always seemed to me, that men and women relationships and interpersonal relations are the easiest thing in the world. I also thought that we are biologically and socially determined, that we all roughly care about the same thing: a happy relationship, family, close friendship, successful and calm work.
I used to live in a fairy tale. And in a glass ball of an ideal relationship, spinning around the house and work, not noticing the rest of the world. From time to time, there were a few signals that were trying to break through the borders of my consciousness, yet I kept ignoring them as I didn’t need to interpret them. And so it went…. Living my idyllic life I had a rough landing, with a bare ass and on glass!
First of all, the acquaintanceships or even friendships nowadays are so shallow that they fall apart for some trivial reasons. Just like Titanic hitting an iceberg.
When the man of my life died, I suddenly realized that most of the people surrounding me feel inconvenient with that. Most of the people I knew preferred to move away from me. Just because. In fact the only person I could count on was my sister.
Another thing is what happened then. Practically every single person near me tried to take advantage of my poor mental state and gain as much as possible for himself or herself, starting with my workers who were stealing from me bottomlessly – with two exceptions luckily.
The acquaintanceships that I made after having reached quite a stable mental condition almost all finished with a failure. With the women, usually when they had a new partner and didn’t have time for me anymore or her partner didn’t like me or was just jealous of me. With the men, usually when they found out that I wanted something more.
Secondly, the men of my generation are quite weird. Actually the thing that interests them the most is their work. And that is usually a job they don’t like, yet they cannot live without it. All that matters to them is paying the bills. Staying at the surface. Unfortunately it is a result of an economic situation in Poland.
Men of my generation are not interested in relationships. They are not interested in sex either. The thing that they are interested in the most, is pornography. That’s what they brought their needs to. The ones that had the need to actually be with someone, had already set a relationship long time ago. If that relationship didn’t work, then we have another wounded being which overreacts to what somebody says or does to him. He often suspects hidden, disguised, bad intentions where there are actually none. And so dating after my man had died turned out to be a total disaster for me. And it still is.
The cultural factors among the citizens of our country are to be blamed here for sure. There aren’t many nations with so many complexes and with such a big wound on their national pride as the Poles. What is more, they have lots of catholic fiddle-faddles in their heads. That results in the Madonna-whore complex which is so common in Poland, which will be mentioned in another entry. It causes men being even more unhappy as they constantly lack something. One thing is for sure: if you are just an average girl, a little overweight and look like a mousey, you will surely find a man quite soon. His faithfulness is another thing. If you are an attractive girl of a perfect figure, and God forbid with a success on your account – which in Poland means having your own greengrocer’s or quite a well-paid job – you’re lost. You need to accept that you will become a spinster with some cats. Unless you are a great actress, only in that case you are able to win.
Unfortunately I belong to the latter part. My problem is that I just cannot pretend. Being not in my skin is tiring for me. Generally speaking, I suck and I am the bad one. Good enough to go to bed… once. And then, when it turns out that I don’t really want this, there comes aggression and attack. How much have I heard about myself! Well, I need to admit that a person of a weak mentality could have not handle it. What is more, everything is just so contrary. I am for those who dated me, empty and cheeky at the same time, too thin and too fat, too clever and too stupid, my tits are too big or too small, and so the story goes. Most often, when I am not interested in a guy, and certainly not sleeping with him, I am just a whore.
We are quite similar to some Arab countries when it comes to that, as I encounter similar behavior when a jerk from that region writes some crap to me on Instagram to send him my naked photos, attaching a photo of his dark, disgusting dick. When I tell him to fuck off I am also a whore. In my opinion it derives from the religion. From all those things that the culture that disrespects women and treats sexuality as something bad leaves in the heads of people, even the atheists.
Thirdly, the working circumstances. Every single person is trying to fuck you over. Starting from the workers, through partners, customers and finishing with the public institutions, which make you sit with your nose in the papers for 4 hours every day, filling in some documents which you don’t really understand and paying so much tax that it makes you earn less than your workers. What is more, you get nothing from that, no matter if you go to the doctor or a police station, or when a foreign power invades your wonderful country, or when you count on getting a pension which you will probably not get.
I DON’T GET IT. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING FROM THE WORLD AROUND ME. EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD BE NICE, EASY AND PLEASANT, IS COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND ILLOGICAL.
I used to live in a fairy tale. And in a glass ball of an ideal relationship, spinning around the house and work, not noticing the rest of the world. From time to time, there were a few signals that were trying to break through the borders of my consciousness, yet I kept ignoring them as I didn’t need to interpret them. And so it went…. Living my idyllic life I had a rough landing, with a bare ass and on glass!
First of all, the acquaintanceships or even friendships nowadays are so shallow that they fall apart for some trivial reasons. Just like Titanic hitting an iceberg.
When the man of my life died, I suddenly realized that most of the people surrounding me feel inconvenient with that. Most of the people I knew preferred to move away from me. Just because. In fact the only person I could count on was my sister.
Another thing is what happened then. Practically every single person near me tried to take advantage of my poor mental state and gain as much as possible for himself or herself, starting with my workers who were stealing from me bottomlessly – with two exceptions luckily.
The acquaintanceships that I made after having reached quite a stable mental condition almost all finished with a failure. With the women, usually when they had a new partner and didn’t have time for me anymore or her partner didn’t like me or was just jealous of me. With the men, usually when they found out that I wanted something more.
Secondly, the men of my generation are quite weird. Actually the thing that interests them the most is their work. And that is usually a job they don’t like, yet they cannot live without it. All that matters to them is paying the bills. Staying at the surface. Unfortunately it is a result of an economic situation in Poland.
Men of my generation are not interested in relationships. They are not interested in sex either. The thing that they are interested in the most, is pornography. That’s what they brought their needs to. The ones that had the need to actually be with someone, had already set a relationship long time ago. If that relationship didn’t work, then we have another wounded being which overreacts to what somebody says or does to him. He often suspects hidden, disguised, bad intentions where there are actually none. And so dating after my man had died turned out to be a total disaster for me. And it still is.
The cultural factors among the citizens of our country are to be blamed here for sure. There aren’t many nations with so many complexes and with such a big wound on their national pride as the Poles. What is more, they have lots of catholic fiddle-faddles in their heads. That results in the Madonna-whore complex which is so common in Poland, which will be mentioned in another entry. It causes men being even more unhappy as they constantly lack something. One thing is for sure: if you are just an average girl, a little overweight and look like a mousey, you will surely find a man quite soon. His faithfulness is another thing. If you are an attractive girl of a perfect figure, and God forbid with a success on your account – which in Poland means having your own greengrocer’s or quite a well-paid job – you’re lost. You need to accept that you will become a spinster with some cats. Unless you are a great actress, only in that case you are able to win.
Unfortunately I belong to the latter part. My problem is that I just cannot pretend. Being not in my skin is tiring for me. Generally speaking, I suck and I am the bad one. Good enough to go to bed… once. And then, when it turns out that I don’t really want this, there comes aggression and attack. How much have I heard about myself! Well, I need to admit that a person of a weak mentality could have not handle it. What is more, everything is just so contrary. I am for those who dated me, empty and cheeky at the same time, too thin and too fat, too clever and too stupid, my tits are too big or too small, and so the story goes. Most often, when I am not interested in a guy, and certainly not sleeping with him, I am just a whore.
We are quite similar to some Arab countries when it comes to that, as I encounter similar behavior when a jerk from that region writes some crap to me on Instagram to send him my naked photos, attaching a photo of his dark, disgusting dick. When I tell him to fuck off I am also a whore. In my opinion it derives from the religion. From all those things that the culture that disrespects women and treats sexuality as something bad leaves in the heads of people, even the atheists.
Thirdly, the working circumstances. Every single person is trying to fuck you over. Starting from the workers, through partners, customers and finishing with the public institutions, which make you sit with your nose in the papers for 4 hours every day, filling in some documents which you don’t really understand and paying so much tax that it makes you earn less than your workers. What is more, you get nothing from that, no matter if you go to the doctor or a police station, or when a foreign power invades your wonderful country, or when you count on getting a pension which you will probably not get.
I DON’T GET IT. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING FROM THE WORLD AROUND ME. EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD BE NICE, EASY AND PLEASANT, IS COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND ILLOGICAL.
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