Ex still alive
Ex still alive
You know this weird feeling when you’re sitting with someone you recently met on a date and you keep hearing things like ‘...my ex was this’, ‘...my ex used to do that’. Or even worse. You’re sitting at a table. Flirting. You’re talking on some messenger app. And suddenly you say/write something completely innocent, like the fact that you like honey. And suddenly he glares at you. Makes a face. And informs you that his ex also liked honey. And immediately he adds a whole list of negative or unwanted characteristics to you. His imagination goes into overdrive. And the fact that you have nothing more in common with her besides liking towards honey is completely meaningless.
Why would I care about your ex...
He now sees her in you and whatever you do, he knows best. You’re almost an accomplice of all the harm she caused him. He’s ruled by his jerk reaction. Listen to me, boy. I don’t give a fuck about your ex. And the fact that you can’t deal with your broken little heart and tormented mind. It’s not my fault! I’m not going to pay for her sins towards you. Go where your place is, which is therapy. And stop constantly second guessing every innocent word I say or thing I do. And stop burdening me with that.
I’m not a camel
Whatever I was supposed to do with my partner, for my partner I always did without missing a beat. He was a very happy man. Perhaps I’m a widow, perhaps we parted in a friendly manner. I don’t care about your fears. I’m not going to constantly prove to you that I’m not a camel, especially that at your level of paranoia you’re going to negate even the most reasonable argument and proof. You’ll be beating me to death with her, even though I’m a completely separate unit. A different person. A different being. And I have no time for tilting at windmills.
A jackpot doesn’t happen twice
I’ve wondered many times where it was that I made a mistake and I finally found out. The blame is on statistics. If everything’s alright with me, which is backed by logic and opinions of two psychologists and a psychiatrist, then it means that something’s wrong with the other side. What is it then? The secret is that cool men of a certain age are like public toilets, either taken, or full of shit. Statistically, scoring a single, cool, handsome, good in bed, intelligent, mentally unharmed, 30+ man is about as possible as winning the main prize in the lottery. And in my case, it would be doing so twice in 10 years. True, I’ve written a lot about accepting someone’s emotional baggage. I can take a lot, but constantly having my ass kicked for my innocence is a little too much.
A man with no past
I’ve known for a long time that I’m doing something wrong. And I reached the conclusion that if I’m surrounded by people on average 7-10 years younger, I look 23, not 33, then dating people my age or men older than me is somewhat idiotic. And I was right. Why date someone with mental damage when I can date someone who trusts me, fills me with joy, brings loads of innocent enthusiasm into my life? With someone who gives me a credit of trust, equal to the one he receives from me? And if I’m to date someone immature, let it be justified by his age. I don’t need a bitter and cynical, yet still immature old man. It turns out it can be done differently. You can start with a clean slate and a credit of trust. You can listen to compliments instead of complaining. You can hear ‘I care about you’, instead of headbutting into an emotional wall, a hard shell and complete indifference. And to have someone who simply tries hard, instead of someone who doesn’t give a fuck ‘just in case’. And the fact that he’s 10 years younger than me is a whole different story...
You know this weird feeling when you’re sitting with someone you recently met on a date and you keep hearing things like ‘...my ex was this’, ‘...my ex used to do that’. Or even worse. You’re sitting at a table. Flirting. You’re talking on some messenger app. And suddenly you say/write something completely innocent, like the fact that you like honey. And suddenly he glares at you. Makes a face. And informs you that his ex also liked honey. And immediately he adds a whole list of negative or unwanted characteristics to you. His imagination goes into overdrive. And the fact that you have nothing more in common with her besides liking towards honey is completely meaningless.
Why would I care about your ex...
He now sees her in you and whatever you do, he knows best. You’re almost an accomplice of all the harm she caused him. He’s ruled by his jerk reaction. Listen to me, boy. I don’t give a fuck about your ex. And the fact that you can’t deal with your broken little heart and tormented mind. It’s not my fault! I’m not going to pay for her sins towards you. Go where your place is, which is therapy. And stop constantly second guessing every innocent word I say or thing I do. And stop burdening me with that.
I’m not a camel
Whatever I was supposed to do with my partner, for my partner I always did without missing a beat. He was a very happy man. Perhaps I’m a widow, perhaps we parted in a friendly manner. I don’t care about your fears. I’m not going to constantly prove to you that I’m not a camel, especially that at your level of paranoia you’re going to negate even the most reasonable argument and proof. You’ll be beating me to death with her, even though I’m a completely separate unit. A different person. A different being. And I have no time for tilting at windmills.
A jackpot doesn’t happen twice
I’ve wondered many times where it was that I made a mistake and I finally found out. The blame is on statistics. If everything’s alright with me, which is backed by logic and opinions of two psychologists and a psychiatrist, then it means that something’s wrong with the other side. What is it then? The secret is that cool men of a certain age are like public toilets, either taken, or full of shit. Statistically, scoring a single, cool, handsome, good in bed, intelligent, mentally unharmed, 30+ man is about as possible as winning the main prize in the lottery. And in my case, it would be doing so twice in 10 years. True, I’ve written a lot about accepting someone’s emotional baggage. I can take a lot, but constantly having my ass kicked for my innocence is a little too much.
A man with no past
I’ve known for a long time that I’m doing something wrong. And I reached the conclusion that if I’m surrounded by people on average 7-10 years younger, I look 23, not 33, then dating people my age or men older than me is somewhat idiotic. And I was right. Why date someone with mental damage when I can date someone who trusts me, fills me with joy, brings loads of innocent enthusiasm into my life? With someone who gives me a credit of trust, equal to the one he receives from me? And if I’m to date someone immature, let it be justified by his age. I don’t need a bitter and cynical, yet still immature old man. It turns out it can be done differently. You can start with a clean slate and a credit of trust. You can listen to compliments instead of complaining. You can hear ‘I care about you’, instead of headbutting into an emotional wall, a hard shell and complete indifference. And to have someone who simply tries hard, instead of someone who doesn’t give a fuck ‘just in case’. And the fact that he’s 10 years younger than me is a whole different story...
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